is this the end of everydayguff?

this photo shows one view (0f 360 degrees) from our office in darwin central. the blog doesn't get updated frequently, due to us not getting into the office too often. this will be less so as the wet creaps in on us, as the office is on the roof of a building which has no shelter from the rain and lightning.

the only way to save everydayguff is to send us money so we can obtain an office with shelter from the elements, with a bar. you can help by sending us money. just leave a note with a return address so we can contact you about supplying us with your sponsorship. cash preferred.

that was the name thereof

how many names do we have?
in all the nationalities of this world. do we have two names, our name and our parents name? and what's with a third name in the middle that no one knows? is this international, across galaxies, time dimensions and parallel universes? How many passports do you own? multiple countries or multiple names? when was the last time you changed your name? frequently? do you exist anymore? how many questions are there? do you have different names for different episodes of existance? i'm a one name guy, at least at any one time.

war on mugs

portrature is the be all and end all of self reflecting artists the word over. don't take that too seriously it may cause spasms. a great solution to a lack of entrys on this blog. describeing the creation of this piece of hacked together imagery would only make me not post it. let's say a couple a shots from a found kodak ls633, a few drinks by the spa, some chicken carcasses on file and a competative urge to fill the emptyness with bulk production. image circa oct 22nd 2006. position: 37.760674S 144.959259E.

Intermission

Here we have a drawing from around 2002, a self portrait from a photograph - thus the direction of focus. This drawing has given me much amusement, as people usually recognise it as myself stating that it is a self portrait and then a bewildered expression crosses their faces as they realise that i am not looking at them. This of course is because in the traditional sense a self portrait involves the artist looking at a mirror and a subsequent image where the subject is looking directly at the viewer. So, sometimes for just a split second, i get to trick their preconception of what a self portrait is.
Now onto my blogger news, you may have noticed that john douglas has been absent for some time. This, i have no reasonable explanation for, but rest assured i shall have a conversation with the other half of my identity on the topic. In the mean time another blog is being created based the sketchbooks that this image came from, with it being used to compliment an exhibition of said drawings. So, all is well in john douglas world - i, we, he are still here.

beer can regatta
forced regret. posting due to need or love, a scenario: togart contemporary art exhibition 2006. without invitation, we, as i, attended the invite only opening of this exhibition. all was free booze and boring speeches, maybe even some good pictures on the walls. have to say the stolen bottle of moët in the park outside parliament house, on the esplanade, at the war memorial, was the height of the night. what's this got to do with the beer can regatta? nothing, but the hangover that ensued until the sunday of the regatta, which continued on intil a new working week, of car detailing. yes, washing cars.)

No More Porn King

Well this is almost it, no more porn star for me, i found Jesus. i have two more gigs booked, then that is it, don't call me - i'll be hangin' wit ma saviour.
i have had an interesting time being a porn pimp for the far less interesting. So interesting in fact, that i thought its passing deserved a blog entry.
i may have been wrong. From a retail perspective the trade of pornographic material is perfectly harmless, you want to buy - i want to sell. From the perspective of the people who produced this design, xxxchurch, it is something inherently evil. The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between. i am of course half libran, which may explain my ability to sit on the fence or be evidence of some sort of subconscious psychosis. See what i mean, i can't help myself sometimes.
i digress. me, i don't actually care. i just do not understand, the blind consuption of most of these pointless products simply upon my say so. Retail is a reflection of 'what people want', as we would be led to believe by retailers. This is only half true, being that it is a fluxing communication between individual customers and clerks, clerks and inventory, inventory and finance, finance and finally management - there are are just too many steps for it to reflect anything in any real time terms. The individual 'people' are so far removed from this complicated process devised by accountants, that there is nothing left by the time it (whatever it was) reaches management. Accountants, who incidently utter the phrase '666' an awful lot in thier life times. i think i have uttered enough on this topic.

A thank you to Fergal, the CowboyLovePirate.

am i allowed to drunkinlie from the distance of before i am presant as a party is unfolding before i was presant before i am was before is..

interupted. claims of gobbledgook. kissing behind me. well, hello. goodbye.

there could be some problem. namely no inherient view as to any reason and certainly no porpose. a few dogs and a cat away.

well in another time i'm sure of more interest.

photographic proof of john douglas travelling:

playing pool, drunk in adelaide, wearing a balaclava, with a death metal band on stage in background:



the transit truck just outside alice springs at the cannonball run memorial:



that will do.

Expectantly Awaiting My Own Arrival

This is a curious feature of the john douglas experience. Questions swirl about a schizophrenic consciousness split by space and time, questions for the most part arrising from the impending arrival of the other half of my own psyche. Imagine waiting for half your mind to turn up in the post - like a mail order encyclopedia which decided to order and deliver itself.

i am simultaneously in motion and stationary.

There is no question that i, john douglas, exist - these ramblings and images are evidence of that. However, the questions which swirl about like insecure vultures do have some bearing on my continued existence. What will have become of the dialogue i have had with myself? Will i be happy where i am? How will my friends and i get along? Will i have grown a beard in my travels and/or procrastination? (i have an inherent distrust of beards which requires no explanation).

i'm sure john and douglas will be fine, but wish me luck anyway.

horah!

coober pedy, an ants nest of an opal town in south australia, or i assume it is, have yet to have a look around.

yesterdays drive with three hours sleep and a hang over that would make a duck dry, from adelaide, was a killer.

(note formation due to credit limit)

the truck is still rolling, now we're really moving. solar power helped us out for a long way until we found a new alternator. only got about 80km that day. 20min drive then the electric fuel pump drained the battery. wait a couple of hours for the solar panel to recharge the battery, then another 20min. cheers of excitement, followed by swearing when the engine would die again.

who really needs road service insurance when john is capt'n of the boat.

4000000m was just an over estimate, found many a different distance estimate. 3700000m is more accurate, however we have gotten lost a fair number of times, the only way i will. (belive it, on a strait road)

photos will follow if i find something other than a terminal in a truckstop.

a day arrived when...



"Hello, sorry i can't answer the phone right now as i'm off for a bit of a four million metre excursion. Please leave a message after the tone."


Beep.

Doppelgänger


I've finished my employment on a new moon. The world, as i know it, is vanishing before my eyes, one day at a time. Procrastination makes it easier. The end of this time, as scheduled as the day we depart (06/06/06), becomes more intense, the more i prepare for it. While the stronger the procrastination, the more at ease i feel in the fog of this departure. hanging in a cafe/bar, on a street with the name of another street from a thousand suburbs, has softened my life into a breeze and continues to do so.

Coming our way in June: Two balaclava wearing men driving a black ex postie transit van (falcon running gear), along the Stuart highway, with the doors open and of course the music of various testosterone thundering instruments recorded and duplicated at high volume.

These men could be John Douglas or not.

(special mention for the unofficial sponsors of this trip. Mountain Goat)

Winter Solstice December 21st 2012 8:47am.

if we must have religion, let's be ranters

"Even the working-class Levellers, Diggers, and Ranters had some acquaintance with Hermetic ideas or ideals - such as the esoteric interpretation of Scripture; universal tolerance; "pantheistic monism"; direct contact with the devine, without the intermediation of priest or Church; a tendency to antionomianism; a belief in the sacred quality of material Nature; an inclination to view "God" as "universal Reason" (or Mind); faith in the power of the imagination to change reality; social egalitarianism; the millennium or "World Turn'd Upside Down"; etc."

"A Ranter or proto-Ranter, who liked to "blaspheme gloriously" and preach in taverns while drinking and smoking, with a whore perched on his knee, might also have been attracted by the European image of Islam's sensuality. In effect Islam is a more pro-sexual religion than Christianity, and to some extent views pleasure as devine beneficence."

- Peter Lamborn Wilson; Pirate Utopias, Moorish Corsairs & European Renegadoes; A Christian Turn'd Turk.

Somnambulism

Well the diagnosis is in, i have the above condition. My paralysis switch is faulty and has been since i was born. There is no cure. i could die, step on the wrong end of a rake or break something really valuable. Medical professionals call me a victim, but i reject this and refer to myself as a professional somnambulist. i plan to excel in my disorder, raise awareness within the community and have no clear recollection what so ever.
The above image has nothing to do with my somnambulism, well maybe kind of. i have been taking close up shots of peoples eyes since university and have quite a collection now - this is a small selection from my journal dated October 2001. The images were all taken with my trusty Pentax MZ50 and yes, some these eyes were under the influence at the time. 'Influence of what?' - i hear you say, well that is up to you to figure out. Anybody know which eye is mine?

bzzrt kzzisit shh ak...it's not complete isolation turning into a dusty alleyway when the way is as crossed footy fields of old car parking with fading yellow lines and cracks making way for crumbling weeds. what happens when some alter ego emerges swiftly from a diseased silence, only to possibly fade away before any sense is made clear? novelty wears thin. what happens when the car breaks down by the waters edge and the roofrack, a tarp and some empty water containers become your new vessel or refuge? nothing of course will perhaps make any sense at all times, as trips just under four million metres in a home made mask, fighting without desert winds, to move in the only direction you remember travelling toward, in a dream that fades into lost property. isolation as a bar. drink for water or to drink? over and over. a cascading flow repeating forever. was that just another dream? too many questions. erase any afterthoughts before drowning this text into a common pool of swill that we'll all be eating in a pigs afterlife.

Cyclone Monica...Well, this is strange - a cyclone in April just does make sense. For us Darwinians its all just getting a bit spooky. The image here is a composite of the BOM sites latest infrared image and the closest match i could get with Google Earth, with a bit of distortion in photoshop and the clouds screen mode set to lighten. The text is just for dramatic effect, cause we are really freakin' out here! So please send us your prayers... and money, mostly money actually - don't worry about the prayers. Maybe a couple of choir singers, they would also be great for dramatic effect. So its settled, money and a choir - Thanks!

Na - Heh!?

What would life be without a friend that calls you in the small hours of the morning, leaving obscure and incomprehensible messages? Life without this crazy monkey - thats what.
This is the other half of the image of me from a post ago, treated with the same photoshop filter. A suitably scarey picture in its own right - i am just loving that particular filter at the moment.
i hope this pleases you mrhapppe.

She's Back!

The illustrious Tash, the sister formerly known as... is back in town. i attempted to take a picture of her while she was on the phone (a common occurrence), with average results. When she got off the phone and said 'What are you Doing!?', i explained that i wanted a picture for my blog. She then said, 'What about the picture i sent you from the Big Day Out', so i replied, '...cool, but i wanted to funk with it'. We then sat down together and came up with this in Photoshop, which was much fun. i love my sister a lot and you should too, even though she looks like a fluorescent alien now.

i'm Back!

After a not so brief hiatus i have returned to you, my loyal internet friends. Please be assured that i have missed you as much as you have missed me. The picture accompanying this entry was obviously not taken by myself, the post production alteration is my doing (which simply consisted of a basic photoshop filter). The original image was taken with a Kodak disposable, in a night club, after the consumption of much hard liquour. Given those circumstances i can only give you the post production date of 2005.
Now to the original purpose of this post (and why i have been absent for so long), why can i not access the internet for free? The internet is a public domain (as much as your local mall is), why must i pay to access it? Why are there ridiculous differences in the rates offered by internet service providers, to a point where it has become a choice between the devil you know and the devil you don't? Access should be a matter of basic rights and we disenfranchised pro-literate should rise united against the evil of these monolithic engorged internet service extortionists. Any tips or advice on how to avoid their fees and charges will be very appreciated and can be left in my comments section. i'm not looking for simply the cheapest deal, i want to completely rort these bastards. None of us should be charged for our right to express ourselves.

More Work Talk

This is another in my series of images of me taking pictures of me. i plan on having some more fun with the closed-circuit television (c.t.v.) in my workplace. This shot was taken with the trusty Nikon 8700 during a particularly busy spot in my shift last night, which occured in the three hours between the two customers i served all night. Two actual paying customers in a six hour shift, the rest of my of human interaction was with the local freaks (just dropping in for their nightly visit) and (i presume) a twelve year old who 'just wanted to look in the door'. i'm not complaining, far from it - this job has given me excellent opportunity to practice my skill at sitting completely still for extended periods of time. i feel very Zen.

Sometimes,
Life Just Gets in the Way

i have no reasonable excuse for neglecting you my dear Blog, i believe the title here gives only a fair reason for my neglect. So i shall attempt to give some detail on what has been keeping me away from you in this entry.
Firstly, moving is a logistical nightmare and a complete fucking pain in the bum-hole. Bum-holes, now there is something i should know about as i have also started a new job at the adultshop.com. Retail outlet of course and i now know a lot about your rectum, in particular what you choose to stick in it. Trappings of the job i guess. As far as jobs go its pretty cruisey, they pay better than regular retail and i get say penis and vagina a lot. i drew the image here during a particularly slow Sunday shift, later i colourised it in photoshop. i copied her from a photograph in lingerie catalogue and look how grotesque she ended up!

Conversation

This was taken yesterday (Australia Day) with my Nikon 8700. Low light, slow exposure and movement gave me this effect. This is LM and Anne intensely conversing.

Not to be Out Done by the Machines

The drawings to the left were taken from a piece called 'Orbic', ink on paper, 2001. The stream-of-consciousness text below is a piece i shall attribute to Cicada written sometime during 1996;

"help i got what the one bourbon one scotch one beer my fingers are sticky its not from the anal sludge of some deprived lunatic ass hole its from the slimy mildew of a microwaved meat pie with tomato sauce ketchup mustard spices that dices crisis on infinite earth .scratch my eyes they bleed with snow making focus not happen aperture why bother can't see any aperture from i don't no why .coke drug or refreshing liquid of gold proportional value? gold is an ugly rock with no practical value soft as limp cocks melts in the hand not in the mouth dentistry for the gods coke is used in dentistry to persuade white Americans to shit themselves when all hope is removed via the high way railway to Siberia .stop at the interstate and dead will happen to your cousin clive who is allergic to intelligence.clives an ugly man no dog would fuck lived in paris but the rats droves him out his bipolar flesh has anti gravity properties that make him useful to hyper government research to keep the peasants voting for the cunts who fly through the tv advertisement of shallow swamp living.finger lickin good. since clives strapped into ecto plasmic extracting Cuban run harvesting machinery and is guarded by the thousand or so famous five viewers he won't be the one who drops his head in a bucket of dental flosss at the intersection. everything makes sense to know one. and when they were up they were only half way up and when they were down they shot up on junk."

An Odd Shot of Nothing in Particular

This is a fairly non-descript shot, a slow exposure of fairy lights. Taken in Sydney on New Years Eve with a Nikon 8700, my second favourite camera ever.
After idling away an hour or two flicking through the many blogs out there (last count approx. 15 million and 80,000 new blogs per day), i felt compelled to just post something. Now i have a couple of questions; what is the purpose of all those blogs which just seem to made up of gobble de gook? At first i thought it was just some annoying stream-of-consciousness poet until i read on a little and began to notice specific words again and again. It then occured to me that these posts may in fact be artificially created by key word generators, i'm guessing that are used to capture google (and other) searches on these words. Google and alike search engines rate search results based on how often the searched words appear on any site and there are programmers whose specific task it is to optimise sites for these search engines. These blogs are created containing links to the actual site(s) that they are designed to miss direct the search engines toward.
So in conclusion, it appears that not only are the machines annonymously commenting on our blogs (otherwise known as spam and avoided with word verification), but they are blogging right along with us! i'm sure the moderators do what they can, but they are only human and these machines are exponential. However, it does make kind of weird poetry - perhaps even a new genre!

Conan

Ok - this will require a little background information. As well as a co-conspiritor named 'Ciccada', a Mac machine named 'Moovunway', a mysterious 'delightful partner', a very cute neice named 'Matilda', a cat called 'Kodak' and a distinctly average disposition - johndouglas, the mostly harmless artist, has a brother named 'Conan' or 'Conanbadmonkey' to be more precise.
This is a shot of Conan installing the software for his new camera - which i used to take this picture, import, modify and send to his Toshiba via bluetooth by the time he had finished. Now i do not normally like to show off, but with a brother named 'Conanbadmonkey' using a Toshiba while i use a Mac i would be remiss if i did not. Conan and i have been known to conflict on the topic Microsoft verses Aplle. Which is no longer a moot point as Intel now produce Apple's base chipset. Lucky, OSX still shits all over XP.

The Christmas that the Scrooge Forgot

Merry Christmas to all, except those of you with a faith which precludes that kind of merriment. Not that i do not wish you all the happiness which may befall during the silly season, its just - well you know. We must be entering a new age of Religous Correctness - and i'm still getting used to respecting women and not beating my children.
This is our Christmas card to you all this year, an adaptation of the Ninja Turtle - Raphael's 'Madonna and Child'. Now in this image i am the child, but that also means i am Dog - so be kind if you want presents and not a lightning bolt up your bum next year!

Sydney Holiday

My delightful partner and i have just spent a very fun two weeks in Sydney. Where i accumulated a couple hours of video footage and about two hundred images.
This image is entitled 'Flightpath' and was taken from the back deck of where we were staying in Liechhardt. There was a little photoshop used in the creation of this image (ok - maybe it was a lot), but only to give a true feeling of what it was like when these metallic beasts flew over.

Real Vector

Well i am making some progress, even without my nerd-friend. This is a true vector image, based on my beloved machine - Moovunway. Notice the clean lines and faultless tone, ahhh; that's what i'm talkin' about.
This image is at a primary stage, i have a couple more details to add. Then it will become an element of a Flash animation i am working on for the web-site. i was just so happy with the result thus far, i had to share.

Fake VectorWhat we have here is a vector styled image of my cat 'Kodak'. At 19k it has a very small image size - but as you may notice there is a fair amount of pixel distortion on the edges as it is limited to its specific original proportions. This would not occur with a true vector image, which would also be infinitely scaleable and have a smaller image size than 19k. So it is pretty obvious why you would use vector based graphics when doing anything on the web.
Now - is it an easy task to create a vector image from a standard jpeg - NO! It is mind-bendingly laborious, i've been at it all morning and now my brain hurts. Oh - where are you my web-site building nerd friend! i truly need your genius short cuts and freakishly disturbing haircut in my life right now. Maybe i will get a nerd friend for christmas.

Dreamweaver (cont.)

i have had some success and it is now time for a happy face. Another image from the archives - this image was taken with a Polaroid 500 camera (thus the blurred over-exposure) by my brother, Conan, in mid 2000. And, yes - my hair really was bleached.
i will provide a link at the end of this post, but please bear in mind that it is still under construction. i encourage you to visit and report any inconsistencies back to me (please specify the system and application you are using). Just for the record; on opening the eyes should appear in the middle of the page and follow your cursor as you move around them, if they do not try resizing your window or purchasing a larger screen. When you click on the eyes you should be taken to the as yet incomplete pages.
i have decided over the past week that i need a nerd friend, especially a nerd friend with Dreamweaver experience. Google has been my only friend thus far. Please leave a comment if you want to be my Dreamweaver nerd friend!
http://www.users.bigpond.com/paulmyatt1/index.htm

Dreamweaver MX

My frustration has peaked. Dreamweaver is doing my head in, so i pulled this image from the archives as an illustration. It is titled 'Silent Scream', and was shot in 2001 with a Pentax MZ50 (foreground).
'Dreamweaver MX for Dummies' plugs this program as the easiest to use web-authoring tool available, which just makes me feel as intelligent as a brick. Janine Warner and Ivonne Berkowitz, the nerd authors, have a lot to answer for - making me feel so stupid.
It will not beat me, however. i will conquer this program and a link to my stupendous new website will be coming to you soon!

Confession

i have an obsession with the eye. The images which follow occurred via experimentation with photoshop today. Oh well.
Something i noticed; was that the angle of my head shifted with the view of each set of eyes. Did this happen to you? Would you like me to treat a photograph of your eyes in this way? All i need is a recent photograph and ...